"Captain Lars" goes to South Carolina to Officially become a licensed Captain!
OK,
here's my version of the whole thing, ask Captain Jerry Smith and you might get a
slightly different version. We started out from Jerry's house and headed south
on Rt. 24. Nothing exciting, but we were moving right along. As we were
leaving Wilmington dusk began to fall and we were enveloped by darkness. It was
then a glaring light, or maybe a mosquito, or something got in my eye, yeah
that's it, and I missed our turn. We ended up killing 1/100 of the North
Carolina mosquito population and turned around and headed south towards
SC. As it turns out, that was a really valuable hour we lost. Now just
because I was a three time South Carolina resident does not mean I should have
to know my way around every where in the state. Because of the lost hour,
we ended up downtown Charleston around 11:30 pm. We finally found deluxe accommodations
in a lovely part of town near the Naval Hospital. 
As
shots rang out in the night, we decided to make a short excursion to the local
all-night gas station, where I was able to get Akmed to hand me a six-pack of
"Bud light" and a bag of "pretzels" thru the chrome plated
bar window. We went back to our luxury suite where we decided to unwind from the
ride. I heard a loud bang as I turned to see Jerry swatting something that was
under his sheets. I was sure it must have come in when we opened the door. I
went to use the head and found out it had a built-in sauna...what luck!
I came out and enjoyed a cold brew with my Kapitan friend as he told me tales of yore'. After a little while Jerry decided to try his luck and take a shower. In my defense I did offer to let him use my
shower shoes! He came out and I went in after he was done and I slugged another
brew. I then noticed as I entered the shower stall that there must have been
biology students in here the night before and that they left their science project on the tiles in the shower. Oh well, just don't touch the bulkheads! As
I yelled for Jerry as to get a fix on coordinates needed to exit the head,
(built-in sauna..remember?) I slipped and nearly had my arm go in the commode,
but it didn't, so all was well. I came out and Jerry seemed to need another
refreshment, ah, another swill of Ale' my good man! 
I
armed myself with the local yellow pages and slowly pulled back the sheets.
Amazed at what I found (nothing) I slipped into the rack (no pun intended) for a
long 5 1/2 hour nap. I slept with my entire face encapsulated by my auxiliary Tee-shirt and fell into a soft slumber. Jerry didn't fare as well, he ended up having to ingest anti-biotics for the next three weeks to overcome whatever it was that got to him in the night.
The next morning
we arose and I called my better half to inform her we were alive and well at
that point. I did a walk around my vehicle and noticed nothing was missing. We
Sh*t, Showered and Shaved and headed for a Banquet feast at the "Shoney's" down near "Sea School", where we were to meet John Scott, my Instructor who had
helped me immensely get over the "42 foot Bertram" dilemma. After a
good healthy grease filled breakfast, we ventured over to "Sea School"
to find no John! (no pun intended again) I called him up and he told us we would
meet at the Coast Guard Station. Oh, and I forgot to mention that only one (1) exit up
from where we got off the interstate there were real hotels, like Holiday Inn,
Motel 6, Ramada, etc. (man, I hope that doesn't impede my navigation skills) .
Once again we somehow took a wrong turn and headed south. I think driving thru the middle of the rice paddies kinda gave that away, and by this time I did remember that
we were definitely going the wrong way. We turned around and found a remarkably intelligent gentlemen who informed us that he was from "around these parts, but wasn't real keen on directions, but try that'a way!", as he pointed South towards Georgia. I then tried the compass in my Dodge Ram and headed South West, knowing I needed to go North East. We finally spotted Oz, er, I mean Charleston...now to find the Wizard! We drove thru town and across the bridge to arrive outside of the Coast Gaurd station. There were no parking spots even remotely close, so thinking fast and using the fact that I am a United States Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant, I entered the Station and parked in a spot in close proximity of the office where I was to swear in. We walked up to the office, entered, and John showed. 
I turned in all my paper work to the very nice lady who had really helped me (thanks Ms. Hammond!) and prepared to take the oath, not that that is new to me! Well I took my oath and that was that...I just had to wait 14 to 16 weeks for my license to arrive in the mail! I was really lucky in that the Coast Guard does take care of it's fellow service men. I was able to get mine
expeditiously due to the fact I had employment on the SQ II once I received my
license. I got these two swell Gentlemen to pose for pictures with me, and then
we went to John's house, where we could have spent the night had I not made that
fateful turn...but then you wouldn't have had this great story to read now,
would you?
